A long awaited birthday

So when we were in the process (doesn't the adoption process always seem to need italics??) we were introduced to our kids with the traditional email with photos, etc and brief sum up of their stats.  "Brother and sister, ages 2 and 1"  But as time went on and we kept going through the process we began to suspect that Canaan was a little older than 2, but there was no record of his birth so we were planning to give him a birthdate in February, which would put him turning 4 right after Judah since they were about the same size and developmental stage.  It would also mean that we got to celebrate Canaan birthday with him, since their homecoming was planned for December.  Then, we got the email that his birthday had to make him 4 right then (and it was already November), so we gave him a birthday in October-- mostly what this meant for us was that we had to prepare Judah that Canaan would be older--by 2 months, but still, older.  What this meant for Canaan was that when we picked him up (on Jared's birthday in December) he came home to celebrate Judah's birthday, then Elijah's the next month, then his cousin's, then a slow succession of everyone else's birthdays over the next months until, at long last, on October 20th his birthday finally arrived.  Oh how he anticipated his day.  He has been excited about it, angry about it, pouty about it, ecstatic about it, confused about it, sad about it, overjoyed, ridiculous, funny...everything he could have been over these last months...and then it arrived!!!

He enjoyed his day.  He reveled in it.  He was so overwhelmed that he would get really quiet and a little embarrassed when people would congratulate him.  He wanted to be the center of attention for almost a year and when it arrived, he didn't know what to do with all the attention...it was pretty cute.  I'll give you a lengthy line of pictures to peruse...

One other thing I wanted to say on this topic was the change I've seen in my boy since his birthday.  It's not often that we, as parents, can pin point the exact moment of development in our kids.  Most of the time it's so gradual.  But with Canaan, his birthday released something in him that he was holding on to.  I don't know if there was some reservation because he felt that we didn't love him as much as all of his birthday celebrating siblings...or that he harbored some resentment or anger--he never expressed this...but I wonder just the same because, after his birthday, he has been a different child.  He is much more expressive with his emotions.  When he falls, even just a bump or teeny scratch, he runs to me to tell me and wants me to rub it or kiss it--he never did this before.  There are a lot of other little differences that I won't list, but the gist of it all is that I don't know what was loosed in my boy, but I love it.  It's progress in a very measurable way.  It is showing me that, given time, our children will become convinced that they are ours and we are theirs...it just takes time...and birthdays...

grateful for defiance

I've been thinking about this post for a while and just never have the time to get it written out.

That seems to be common for our life these days.  My work piles up on me at lightening speed.  Just when I think I've got a handle on it, I turn around and see that while I've been working, the path behind has cluttered up again!  And it's not that the children don't help, they do.  We teach them to work.  But some weeks it just seems that our time has been filled with all work and no play.  We can't have THAT!  They are awfully messy children as well--they pick up, but they throw things around first.  If anyone has great ideas at how to teach the un-cluttering mindset, please share!  I have no ideas and I'm afraid they all come by it pretty naturally as their mother is scatterbrained and inconsistent and jumps from task to task setting a terrible example.  We have a house FULL of starters and I think Jared is the only finisher among us.  Povero Jared!

Anyway, back to the subject at hand.  These days, when we give the children lists of tasks we hear a chorus of groans before they get to their chores (if you are Judah you collapse into a whiney heap, but thankfully there is only one Judah :-) )  Normal, right?  What is noteworthy about this is that for months after Canaan and Eden came home, they practiced (for the most part) absolute obedience.  Not a word of grumbling, but no smile either.  Just hopped to the task at hand.  Directly and with no discussion.  Like robots.  The other kids would be arguing a little, complaining a lot, basically expressing whatever opinions they had over the situation--not Canaan and Eden.   I noticed the tendency in other things as well.  When showering, they didn't wipe their eyes even if shampoo got in them...ever.  They just took it, without comment or expression. (so I would, of course, wipe their eyes for them) When I would comb out Eden's hair, not a peep.  When they fell, they said nothing.  When Canaan got his first shots he didn't make a sound.  Nothing.  And he had received around six shots.   At first I was tempted to pat him on the back for all his 'toughness' but then I saw his eyes.  He was almost completely disengaged.  He had shut down.  Removed himself.  And it would take him hours to come back to interacting again.  Scary.

As they have progressed, they have loosened up.  The last time Canaan got shots (one teeny little shot), he was thrashing and freaking out so much that it was hard for me to hold him.  Transformation.  Eden whines and cries every time she gets her hair combed out.  Amazing.  Most times, when I ask them to stop what they are doing to pick up or something like that, they let out a groan.  Humorous.  Occasionally Eden has even told me 'no' and has a mini two year old fit.  And I love it all.  I mean, in the moment the groaning is frustrating and opposing what your mother says needs a bit of discipline, but overall,  I love it.  It means their hearts are softer.  It means they trust us so much more.  It means they understand that they can express how their child-hearts feel without fear or loss.

If a bit of defiance means that my child is learning to trust that I will love him in spite of his bad choices, bring it on.   If she needs to whine about her hair just so she can be reminded that I will take care of her even when it hurts, so be it.

And I pray that this is just a precursor...preparing them and softening them for the day when the greatest and best Love makes their hearts complete.  Isn't that a mother's job?  What a blessing it is.

figuring a way over the obstacles...

So, some of you may have noticed a missing post...yes, there was one post after the 'bonding' post...you are NOT crazy...I deleted it.  Sometimes I get up in the morning, and just write--wherever that may take me...and on that particular morning I was feeling really sorry for myself--thus, a blog of self-pity was born and later, after perusing said blog, I was embarrassed at my wonton whining and decided (encouraged by my husband) to delete it.  There's no need to dwell on the difficult, and when I express it, I should find my 'big girl' voice and speak out of my nose less.

On to bigger and better things...
I'm supposed to be doing my Beth Moore study...I have not started it yet.  My brain is not yet that awake. While I love the writings of Mrs. Moore, I do think I need a certain amount of caffeine before I attempt her in the mornings...
My baby is asleep (after a VERY fitful night) for her morning nap, snoring here beside me, and I hear the clinking of duplos in the playroom so, at the moment, I can post--however briefly, while I finish my coffee.

I have little confidence anymore.  My memory can no longer be trusted--my brain has not stretched as much as my family has this past year so I am forever playing catch-up and missing appointments.  It's rather embarrassing...and humbling.   My headaches have not relented and I am a shell of the mother I would like to be....also humbling and rather deflating.  God is shouting at me that this is a season, meant for growth, but 9 times out of 10, I am curled up in a corner whining.  We are getting new carpet in the house...our last-ditch effort to conquer this allergic reaction I seem to be having.  But it won't be here for a few more weeks...it's been ordered but, well, if you are a home owner, you know how this goes.

We are also in a state of missing Italy.  We miss our life and ministry there.  We miss the food.  We miss our Italian friends.  We miss the way of life.  and I think, deep down, we miss having those kind of problems, instead of the problems we have been having here.  Our major problems there related to the spiritual oppression and darkness all around us, attacking us...those problems seemed big--and they really were--but they seemed WORTH it.  Right now, here, dealing with these paltry problems seems so, well, NOT.  Of what Kingdom value will new carpet really have?  So this morning I'm chewing on this.

I am going to make this new carpet Kingdom-worthy --even if it kills me (figuratively speaking, I hope).

bonding...

Adoption is difficult...have I said that before? It is. It is difficult.

Beautiful.

Painful.

Confusing.

Fulfilling.

Dirty.

Messy.

Gut-wrenching.

Joy-inducing.

As Katie Davis says, "it is the gospel in my living room."

Bonding is one of those things that I never thought about until I was expecting Elijah. During the 9 months I carried him I was plagued by the doubt of a brand new mother...would I be a good mother? Would I mess him up? I read books and I came across this concept of 'bonding'...they said that some people bonded right away with their babies and for some people it took longer. What did THAT mean? Did they mean that I could be taking care of a baby that didn't feel like my own? Was I going to be despondent and depressed after giving birth because I didn't love my baby?? And it seemed like it could be up to fate...a simple dealing of the cards...some people bond, some don't. WHAT?!?!? I freaked out. Then I remembered, I don't believe in fate! God gave me this baby and love comes from GOD...not from nature, not from genetics, not from the air...love comes from God and He will develop it and grow it.

Thankfully, for a brand new mama who was already struggling with confidence, I did not struggle to bond with my baby when he came. I didn't even have to try. It was completely natural and I never thought about bonding again...until my next blessing was put in my arms 2.5 years later and my first thought was, "Who is THAT?"

I had to try a little harder with Iliana. I loved her, without a doubt...but she wasn't as familiar. I held her and babied her and loved on her, just as I had with Elijah and slowly, over the next few weeks, I was hooked. My ah-ha moment...so THAT'S what they meant about bonding...

With both of my bonding examples God filled me with love...I didn't get to watch Him do it with Elijah--it was immediate--so fast that I didn't even realize I had been blessed...but with Iliana, I got to watch Him grow my love for my baby girl. He filled me up with love for her so clearly & measurably that I was able to praise Him for it daily.

Bonding is really just a scientific label for loving. While most of the time we use the word love when we are describing how we feel...it really is an action. Bonding is the action of loving. When I was bonding with Iliana, I would sing to her, hold her, rock her, dress her, feed her, soothe her, bathe her, talk to her... all loving actions that grew love for her in my heart. It is the same with adoption.

One of my very favorite books in the Bible is 1 John. Long before I was a parent, I loved this scripture. It has helped me-- a rather closed, careful person by nature-- to open up and to love others. God has used 1 John 4 especially in my life to teach me. When Jared and I were first starting to date, God used 1 John 4:18 to help me to open up to Jared when I was scared to be vulnerable. 1 John 4:7-12 specifically spoke to all those questions I had in my heart (and from others) while we were going through the adoption process...How can I love a child that is not my own flesh and blood? Can I love them as much?

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God...no one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us...and so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in Him.

I love love love this. It fills me with peace and gives me confidence. God IS love. The love I have for Elijah is not made less because I love Judah...it multiplies...and not because I am some endless fount of love, but because God in me gives me more of Himself.

If I practice love on Canaan and Eden, I love them. My heart grows more connected with them. But I have to actively love them. No, it isn't natural...but it is against my selfish, sinful nature to love ANYone more than myself. The God in me trumps my sin-nature. Oh, how I thank Him for this. Instead of limited, selfish love; I have God-sized, supernatural love to give to my children--ALL of my children.

The practice and process of bonding with my 'homegrown' children all took place when they were babies. It's the same with Canaan and Eden. They are in their 'infant' stage in our family and I bond with them the same way I bonded with Iliana.

I dress them.

Even though they can dress themselves, I frequently help them--not because they need my help but because they need to learn to rely on me.

I talk to them.

And with this, I have to make the conscious effort to make eye contact with them. I don't know why, but my natural tendency while keeping myself guarded is to not make eye contact with people. I have to force myself to look at my kiddos in their eyes when I talk to them and to listen to them with my eyes.

I bathe them.

Yep, I'm their mom. I'm responsible for their messes, bodies included.

I hold them and soothe them.

Canaan's tendency when he came home was to soothe himself. I pretty much had to force myself on him at first when he would hurt himself. He didn't want my sympathy--it didn't help him. Slowly, he grew to accept it and now, he needs me more.

I laugh with them.

Very important. We have fun together. Tickles. Wrestle. Chase. Draw. Dance. Sing.

Fun together.

I share my drink with them.

Weird huh? I have never been a parent who shares my food with my kids. They drink out of their own glasses because I think floaties in my drink are gross ...but with Canaan and Eden, for some reason, the sharing of spit warms my heart to them. Kinda like a mark that they are mine. Call me crazy...but it really, really helps.

Bonding. The practice of loving--actively, consciously. And God supports it, enables it, IS it.

Gotta love the real.

the J-man...

Whenever I'm asked to describe Judah it always takes me a while...don't you know people like that? Those who are SO much that it's hard to succinctly categorize them?

While it can keep me guessing as a momma (because, let's face it, it's easier to organize life when everyone falls into certain "categories")-- I can also see this as one of his greatest strengths. Judah is unique.

He has always been unique...but like the definition of the word, it has taken on many different forms. He started life uniquely as my easiest pregnancy...which, after my experience with Iliana, was relief poured out from my gracious Father...then he glided in to capture the spot of my easiest baby. Judah was SO laid back...a blessing that I needed desperately after the aforementioned Iliana who was difficult in and out of the uterus :-)...and only 15 months his senior.

Laid-back Judah was quiet, funny, happy, and a fabulous eater. Then we uprooted him, took him away from his beloved Papa and moved to Italy. It was a hard enough transition for everyone, but for Judah who also had to potty train, move to a big boy bed, and somewhere in Germany lost his favorite pacifier, the changes struck a more brassy chord. Judah began to develop a rogue defiance...still passive in nature, but with more 'civil disobedience'. If he could entertain others with disobedience, it was worth the consequence...and he still maintains this philosophy...But he is also my child who will notice when I am not feeling well, who won't leave without kissing me goodbye, who loves to lead the family in prayer (and will pray heart-filled prayers for needs around him) and who loves to hold hands.

*I have a point to this post...it's not just emoting on my Judah-boy--stick with me*

We are in a drought. I believe I may have mentioned it a few times. And, at the end of this week, we will have spent a 1/4 of the year in over 100 degree days--and most of those aren't just slightly over 100...most of them are over 110. So, needless to say, it's hot. It's dry. And everything is dying--even the trees. The well has dried up...everything is brown. We fight the discouragement every day. In the midst of this pressing discouragement, God gives us hope-- it doesn't come from my reserves because mine have run out...it comes from Judah. Judah prays faithfully, everyday, for rain...I grew weary long ago--my 4-yr-old leads me in praying for something that seems hopeless...and then there's this:

They are Judah's seeds and the seeds from his sibling's snack, all that he could convince them to save.

He diligently gathered up all these seeds and he's saving them... for when the ground is soft from the rain that he knows is coming.

He's going to plant trees: plum, apple, and cherry trees to replace the ones that are dying.

The faith of my child humbles this cynical momma.

He is unique.

Blessedly steadfast. Unswervingly faithful. Thank you God for Judah.

famine...

I sit here this morning, praying for my friends on facebook and one of my friends' pages pops up with an article on the famine in Southern Ethiopia and Somalia...then my mom-in-law posts a similar article...then I see someone else's post along the same subject...

I've been aware of the famine for a while now. I've been following, when I can, the desperate situation of these countries but, honestly, I have been WAY too self absorbed to advocate. How shameful it is for me to admit that. Yes, we are in a drought as well--the worst in anyone's memory--but I am currently sitting in a house (albeit moldy, but a home, just the same) with AC, running water, a full refrigerator, and 2 full freezers. My struggles should not consume me.

My Ethiopian children come from the southern portion of the country. We know very little of their background, but we know the vicinity of their biological family's home. We know the church congregation that buried their biological mother. We know the name of the orphanage where they were surrendered and its location...in the south of Ethiopia. When you read the articles on the famine they all mention the regions in the most crisis...Eastern Africa--especially Somalia and Southern Ethiopia.

I try, feebly most of the time, but I try to keep up with news from the areas where their biological family is but news from that region has been scarce. Then I stumbled upon these blogs (and I am sure there are many more like them out there that I do not know about)

http://thebowersinafrica.wordpress.com/

and http://drhail.wordpress.com/

and http://paulandbecca.wordpress.com/

These are all people who live and work in the region of Ethiopia that Canaan and Eden are from. There are links on some of the pages of ways you can help if you feel so lead. As I am at the beginning of my own search, I do not know how to advise you, but we can research together.

I will not post the first pictures I received of my children. My version of child exploitation will be limited to the best of what life is handing them--but these pictures remind me that their lives are a gift that the Father has graciously given me. They would not have survived much longer and they certainly would not have survived this famine. As hard as it must have been to surrender them to the care of another, their biological father saved their lives and I will forever be grateful to him.

I prayed a lot for their family 2 years ago, not knowing their struggle, but knowing that God was telling me to pray for them while we waited for our children to be revealed to us. Now I have my precious children safe within my care and my thoughts are guided to pray again for their first father and for the rest of his family--that aid will come to them in their need. I pray and seek God also for the way I can help. I'll get back to you (probably) as to the direction He leads me. I hope you'll seek God as well for direction in the way that you are to be helping as well.

Here is the article my mom-in-law found:

http://onenewsnow.com/AP/Search/World/Default.aspx?id=1413340

and here's another option:

http://onenewsnow.com/AP/Search/World/Default.aspx?id=1413340

JJ was right...

I think.

After the CTscan came back normal today, we started checking the house over and found...ugh...black mold. Apparently the house had leaks before and the mold moved in right about when the old owners moved out. Then the house sat vacant for a long time...then we moved in. Yippee.

I have always been allergic to mold but it never presented itself in this way. Well, to be fair, I never lived in a home with this much mold either.

So we are eradicating it...scratch that--JARED is eradicating it. I can't even walk in the bathroom without my eyes tearing up and my face burning. Weird, huh?

We've got the air purifier running and Jared is scrubbing away. I bought tile and grout and other handy tools to help us tile the floor after the mold is dead. I hope that in a few weeks, the headaches will be a thing of the past as the mold ceases to exist within our home.

If you have any advice, we would gladly accept it :-) We aren't the handiest of people...

my current battle...

is with this head of mine. The day after my mom left, about 2 weeks after Mercy was born, I started having headaches. Bad ones. Not migraines, I don't think, because I wasn't sensitive to light, etc. But bad enough that I couldn't function normally and would have to take tylenol...then my ear clogged. So I thought, sinus blockage. I heated my face, I steamed, I took Sudafed, I drank loads of water, I took Vitamin C...basically anything anyone recommended, I tried. Not much difference. So I did the Neti pot, and saline wash, etc. Not much difference. Then my eyes began to ooze. In a weird way. So I went to the doctor. Got a steroid shot and drops. Better for about 3 days. Then back to the headaches. Right before vacation it got really bad again and the doctor called in some Flonase. Some improvement, but not consistent. But we went on vacation in the City. I didn't have trouble there in the same way as at home. Some headaches, but not as bad. I don't think I had to take any OTC pain relief the whole time. Then we came home. Headaches again and bad. When I bend over to pick things up, around 11:00 a.m., around 5:00 p.m....I wake up with them...it's just constant and this morning I woke up with a clogged ear again--WHAT?????

I've gone through so many 'theories' : sinus infection, blockage, hypertension, TMJ, spinal misalignment, hormones, could I be allergic to our new house?... who knows??

All this to say, that, this morning, I am heading back to the doctor. It's been 2 months of this and I need some relief. I want to be a good momma. My children and husband need some relief too. It's really just supposed to be our 2 month check-up but we'll be dealing with my head too :-)

So please pray. Pray for discovery of the problem. Pray for relief.

P.S. Due to the complain-y nature of this post, I feel I should apologize to anyone who just stopped by to check in on the kids...they are great...loving school and daily praying that their momma's headaches go away so we can get back to normal once more. Sorry. :-)

when momma doesn't know what to say...

This morning, as I was waiting with my kiddos outside on the porch for the bus, we were talking about making friends. I was giving them the assignment to look around their classroom and see if there was anyone who did not have a friend. Their job today would be to try and include that person with THEIR friends, etc. I thought it sounded great. But, like with so many things with parenting, I got thrown off course.

One thing about adopting older children internationally is the time it takes to be able to understand one another. Canaan is doing phenomenally, but there are still many things he does not understand and his vocabulary is still very limited. Sometimes, when he doesn't understand what is being discussed, he won't SAY he doesn't understand. He'll sit there and LOOK like he understands (oh how I can identify with this tactic--this is how I LIVED in Italy...) but then when he opens his mouth to chime in, he will be speaking of unrelated things, showing that his mind was engaged elsewhere. Anyway, back to this morning. We were discussing the concept of making new friends and Canaan chimes in with "I wish we could BUY the teacher." Emphasis on buy. I stopped, completely thrown off. I tried to quickly search the thesaurus in my mind to figure out what he 'meant' because oftentimes, he cannot express what he really means the first time without guidance. But in this case, I was stumped. BUY a teacher? I remembered that just a few days before when he was leaving school I asked him if he had made any new friends and he had told me that he had "wanted to BUY Tristan but didn't." I didn't stop then to figure it all out--but here it was again this morning!

I expressed my confusion. I explained that we BUY food, we BUY clothes, we BUY things at the store, but we do NOT buy people. Then Iliana sweetly chimed in matter-of-factly that he was saying (because my children are my key translators) that he wanted to buy his teacher just like we bought HIM. *GASP* This was one of those moments that I didn't have words...all I could do was pray...pray for words, pray for wisdom, and pray that my face wasn't betraying the shiver that went down my spine. Did my son really think that he was a commodity that could be bought??? Where had we gone wrong in discussing his adoption with him???

In the few seconds of silence (because in times you would like for things to keep upbeat and natural to relax the situation, there is ALWAYS desperate, uncomfortable silence from ALL of the kids...), I composed my words and did my best. The bus was going to be there any minute (another ridiculous irony in parenting...needing time and never having it in the most important situations but having LOADS of time to teach underarm farting...) so I tried to be succinct..."Canaan, God GAVE you to Momma and Daddy just like God gave Judah and Iliana and Elijah and Eden and Mercy to us." and because I'm fallible, I then asked who he had heard that from and of course, he couldn't answer (when he senses things are more serious and he is confused he shuts down...under pressure you just CAN'T get the words out in another language)...and then the bus came. ARG!!!!!!! I had to send my precious child to school with SO many unsaid things!!! I was/am so frustrated!

So many things run through my mind...Did he hear that in Ethiopia? Did they tell him that the Americans were buying the Ethiopian children? What else did he learn about his adoption outside of my home? WHY wasn't I more vigilant in this?? I absolutely saw God's hand in giving us the money to pay for the adoption of Canaan and Eden. In all honesty, He even gave most of it back through the tax credit so we actually 'paid' more for our three bio kids that we delivered in a hospital without insurance!! HOW do I explain this to my child?? How do I explain that the love that I have for him is equal to my love for my children that look more like me? How do I show him that love can ONLY come from God...it can't be bought?? How do I show him his worth in the eyes of his heavenly Father?

It pains me to remember, long before God opened the doors for our adoption, I was joking with friends who had all of one gender in their family--I told them that they needed to BUY the other gender, it's the only way to be sure to get a mix of genders... The words were innocently said-- It was my way of introducing the possibility of adoption in a light hearted way to people who were not considering it. I thought it was fine...even ADVOCATING for adoption... But hearing the concept from the mouth of my gift from Ethiopia was absolutely mortifying.

So now, if you will excuse me, I must go and eat crow before my Father. I know HE will know what to tell Canaan this afternoon...

potty training...a post in progress

So, it's that time again. The dreaded potty training. It comes with having children and unless you don't mind changing adult diapers with adult sized poo in them, you just have to bite the bullet and go through it. Eden is, for all intents and purposes, two. She understands what her diaper is, she understands what the potty is for, she understands what her body does...so it's time to start potty training full time. Eden came home from Ethiopia basically knowing what to do. They would put the teeny kiddos onto potties at the same time every day and they would train them to go at that certain time... because of this she was super easy to train to poo on the pot...it's the other stuff that's the problem.

So we have begun the pee parade and she's sporting her big girl panties. Since Thursday she has peed in them twice and once I forgot to change her out of her nap diaper--so that day was a wash. It's been 4 days and today, we went out WITHOUT a diaper on. I'm happy to say, that she stayed dry until I put her down for nap...pretty amazing :-D!!!

It's the little things :-)

beginnings...

I have the chance this morning...everyone is happy and/or snoozing still, so I will post on the first day of school...I've shared on facebook already, so those who connect with me there will find this repetitive...sorry.

Shoes on...check

coffee...check




pants...check

Take the tags off the extremely colorful shirt you chose for the first day...check

friendly, honest, eager smile...check



sideways debonair grin...check

Good attitude...check

special expensive sugary cereal that you never get except on VERY unique occasions...check

Motleys, ARE YOU READY TO TAKE OVER THE SCHOOL?????

check.

social networking....

So I put my children on the bus and kissed my husband goodbye...pressed my ear to two bedroom doors to ensure that my youngest two were still snoozing and sat down at the computer to pray for my friends and family. For a while now I've had a love/hate relationship with facebook. I hate its addictive nature and the cattiness that can be displayed by loose tongues and hurtful spirits--but I love the way that I am connected with my friends all over the world, just in one place!!

Most mornings, I sit with my coffee and scroll down my news feed and pray for those who God brings up--then I pray a little more and visit a few pages of different people to check in on those I've prayed for the day before, etc. It's been a way for me to organize my praying...I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the people I want to pray for and my desire to be faithful to hold the ropes for them all. This can become such a burden of guilt when time doesn't allow for a good long prayer session. Life doesn't stop, even when I desire to spend time focusing on Kingdom things, like praying for my missionary friends...or when I want to do less-important things like just now, I'm having to stop typing because my youngest is crying--she's lost her pacifier--be right back...

Anyway, facebook has helped me stay connected and feel like God is in control of who I intercede for throughout the day. I love that. When we were at training in VA we had a day that we spent hours in solitude, seeking the Lord and after the allotted time we all gathered back together to share what God had said. One of the guys said that he started his time by putting his iPod on shuffle because then he felt like he was giving God the reigns to control the songs that came up and guide his time of prayer through song...I like that. That's kinda how I feel about facebook--God brings friends to mind, and I pray...it's freeing, really. So if I 'like' your status or comment, you can be pretty sure that you were being prayed for that morning :-)

Just another way God reminds me that though I live IN the world, I am not OF the world...

All-in-all, I'm thankful for a medium such as facebook :-)

Tripping with 8

So we are gearing up for a short vacation. The first real vacation since the end of AGM last year when our family stayed over in Madrid after the meetings to see the city. Our trip to Ethiopia, while technically vacation TIME was anything BUT vacationy--and then we all know what the Christmas vacation ended up being...

So all that to say, we are going on vacation. Nowhere flashy, goodness knows we don't have the funds yet for flashy--it's just to the City...somewhere that you don't have to drive 40 minutes to get to a fast food restaurant...somewhere with a zoo and science museum...a place with a TARGET...a hotel with a POOL...so, this year, we'll settle for comfortable.

The children are super excited...even my sweet ethiopian babies are excited and they have NO idea what a vacation IS...but excitement is catching, and they've caught it! (Although, you should hear Canaan trying to understand the concept of a zoo...it's hilarious and well, a little convicting...)

Jared and I have done our research. We plant our family in the neighborhood of the City that is closest to our favorite shopping, favorite food, and our favorite people. The sweet lady on the phone at the hotel offered us a discounted rate even though we didn't have a AAA card and we are still under 65. We also know which fast food is cheapest for our family...we can eat at Taco Bell for about $13...we'll be having a lot of burritos (we are VERY thankful for the $1 five-layer burrito!!) -- PLUS, McDonalds has the 20 piece nuggets for $5 deal going on so we can get through there for about $16...not too shabby. All this saving enables us to take a break from fast food and catch a lunch meal at the Olive Garden or something like that...it evens out.

This will be our first vacation as 8. We'll all be 'learners'. It will also be 110 in the City this week...yippee. I mean, it's been 112 in our town the past 3 weeks, but I was hoping for the cooler 101 degree weather of the City while we were there...no such luck. So we will be hitting the zoo as soon as it opens and probably last no longer than a few hours...I'm sure all will be ready to go back to the hotel pool soon enough. I've got to remember to pack the sunscreen...

We are hoping that this week is our last dry week...we've been praying for rain for so long. Last week it rained for about 10 minutes. Just long enough to make Jared, who had just started mowing the lawn, run inside. My children run outside to play in whatever God chooses to send us...but it's WAY more fun in the rain than in 120 degree temps...

We've added to our number!

Our sweet little girl was born in the afternoon on June 8th.

This also happened to be the 6 month anniversary of the day that we received Canaan and Eden into our family FOREVER! I'm afraid the celebration was rather different than I expected, but we'll make up for it on December 8th!

Now, we are a family of 8. I've always loved the number 8...I'm not sure why----it's just always been my favorite. I like even numbers--there's no odd-man-out, and, well, it's just nice and round!

Apparently eight really is enough...and, judging from the stares we get in public, we are a true spectacle, at least in Southwest Oklahoma.

I have yet to try Walmart with everyone, by myself. I know, I'm a sissy. But I'm not raring to go out this time around like I was with the first three. I think I have a deeper desire for my housework to be tackled than to satisfy my need to get out of the house (on the other hand, the main factor could be the AMOUNT of housework I now have). Also, the thought of trying to navigate WalMart with 6 kiddos and then squeezing all that our family needs to get through the weeks between WalMart trips into one cart, seems rather daunting to me at the moment. I'll get there, I just need some time.

Time is something I run out of very quickly these days...almost as quickly as I go through detergent. There never seems to be enough of it. I always go to bed with things left undone----this is something new for me. Not that I was always on top of things before...I've never had very high standards...but even with my relatively low standards for the state of our home, I go to bed with things left undone. Right now I'm struggling under the 150 boxes that landed on our home 2 weeks ago (oh my, has it really been 2 weeks??). The boxes held our memories, our valuables, our mundane, and our trash----sorting it all out is taking a lot longer than I thought it would.

It's weird, but I find myself correlating our transition moving back to the States with how it felt to move to Italy. They are surprisingly similar:

I'm learning new ways to cook.
Cooking for 5 children means cooking more...in normal cases adding two children under 4 wouldn't mean adding two adult sized portions...but we are talking about Canaan and Eden a.k.a. 'the little vacuums'. During our time in Italy I felt like I really grew in my abilities in the kitchen having to learn to make MANY things from scratch...here, the ingredients are different...FLOUR is even a different consistency, and I have to rework all of my staple meals into 'American.' Plus, making things from scratch is cheaper than most ready-made options that I used before moving overseas and learning to fend for myself...so I'm still trying to pinch pennies and make good, easy meals at the same time. This is one country where 'eat like the locals' is NOT the way to save money in the kitchen.

I'm figuring out how to get from here to there.
Traveling in a car with every seat taken by a carseat, getting the kids to learn the order in which they should load and unload so as to avoid Stooge-like jam-ups inside and outside the car, driving a boat compared to other cars----all these things trigger a need for a new strategy and are not unlike our transition to driving in Italy...also, packing to board the metro is not unlike packing for a trip to WalMart, or worse, to a store with no shopping cart to hold kiddos like Penneys or a *gasp* furniture store...

I'm learning a new language and watching my kids do the same.
The language of my english-learning kids, the langage of southwest oklahoma slang, and even the language of pop culture has changed in this transition.

I'm still watching my children for signs of cultural stress.
They are adjusting well, but I still need to be vigilant to protect them from our tendency to do too much too soon.

I'm figuring out how to arrange our home out of nothing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I miss having IKEA nearby...their space saving options were so helpful...and while our home here is considerably larger than our apartment in Rome, we are still attempting to squeeze 3 children in each bedroom...I miss IKEA.

We are battling new illnesses, encountering new germs.
Ringworm, how we hate you.

I have to figure out how to clean the floors again.
In Italy it was learning to sweep and mop marble floors efficiently---- in Oklahoma my mopping skills come in handy, but there's also a ton of vacuuming...carpet care is TERRIBLE. Carpet is nice on tootsies in the cold winter compared to marble, but I find myself dreaming of a happy medium, like wood.

I run out of things I never ran out of before...
in Italy it was baking powder and baking soda---- in America, it's laundry detergent, toothpaste, and shampoo.

Life is a hodgepodge at the moment--a big, beautiful mess. We are so thankful for the way the Lord is providing here in America. He has been so very faithful. We cling to Him with every new 'hard'.

When you are an inept blogger...

...I find that it is desperately hard to start again.

We have had so much happen in the last 5 months and hardly any of it has been documented...where do you start? Do you go back to 5 months ago and hope to rehash? or can you just move on and start fresh from where you are at the moment?

Knowing that I'll probably go all defunct again very soon, it'll probably be best to just start from here and see what happens.

Just know that in the major 5 month gap, we've lived...chaotically, unconventionally, and barely holding it together at times...but we've lived.

About 5 months ago we gathered our children up from Ethiopia and came back to the States to meet and greet and celebrate Christmas. 3 months after we touched down, we found ourselves unable to return to Italy...and then my camera battery died (the charger being in Italy with my other lenses, video camera, extra memory cards, camera cord for the computer, and card reader--all left behind in the frenzy to pack up the 5, pack for the 2, close up the apartment, and skidaddle to Addis with 3 days notice)

But now, thanks to my mom who knows how terrible this loss of camera use really can be for my general well-being, I have a battery charger once again and after borrowing my mom-in-law's camera cord, I can share pictures with you fine people once more. Much better than just words... much better than a post relying on my ability to piece thoughts together coherently for those of you NOT privy to the inner workings of my indecipherable thought process...which lends itself much more toward james joyce-ness all the time.

So enough of this...the children are outside playing, screaming, riding their trikes like crazy--they spend the majority of their time in this way these days. Hope the neighbors don't mind. I don't normally regulate their noise level when they are outside I had to do that in Italy, I don't want to do that here if I don't have to ...it's when they get quiet that I have to worry. In the meantime, I have the extremely noisy dishwasher running, a load of laundry in the washer and a mountain waiting to be gathered up by their owners and put in the appropriate closets and suitcases (because, alas, we are still living somewhat from suitcases having no furniture in the boys and our room yet)... all that this all means is that there is time, however brief, to share a few pictures.

I'm sure someone will be running in to tattle on their sibling in about 2 minutes. But I'm trying the new tactic of 'work it out yourself'...shocks them every time still. I think they think I'm truly lazy, when in reality I'm learning that it gives them a chance to see that the offense really wasn't as bad as they first thought--they are going to live, they have words they can use directed toward the other person, and if you give a problem 2 minutes to rest, you most likely will end up thinking about something else.
Not to mention that if momma has to get involved that fought over toy will go into an indefinite time out and one of the offenders (if not both) will end up enduring a rather lengthy sit in a boring corner of the house. I'm pretty consistent with the consequences and so far, tattling is less frequent.

So, none of this is illustratable yet--so I'll just stop and start posting the pics...a plethora from the last couple of weeks. Elijah's class at school reenacting the Land Run, Judah and Iliana at church on Easter Sunday helping their teacher tell the story of Holy Week through Resurrection Eggs, my attempt to get Easter pictures of the family...good stuff. And if you follow me on facebook this is a colossal waste of your time...sorry.

Adoption changes everything...

Adoption is hard.

This is a little of what I have been learning in the last 3 months since bringing Canaan and Eden home...

It is also really good. Challenging. Full. Amazing.

We are still working on our initial bonding issues...tough stuff. More on that later probably.

On top of the challenges of adoption, our family has gone through so much bureaucratic hokey, misinformation from those supposedly in-the-know, and a whole slew of bad advice to last us for a LONG time. So, on top of the transitions that come with adoption, we have also been displaced from our home in Italy and relocated back to the States...for good.

In a nutshell, we cannot get the documents that Italy wants to grant our children long term visas, making our living in Rome (and probably any other country besides the US) no longer possible. The Italian-Ethiopian embassy will not translate the necessary documents into italian because we are not italian citizens and we are no longer in country (Addis) to plead our case. We did not know of these requirements before we left Rome. When we came back to the States, we tried to line up documentation as best we could, but roadblocks always appeared. As the months passed, we could not rely on our company to support us any longer during a wait that was indefinite, and they do not grant transfers to those in their first term (not that any country would most likely take us) so we made the difficult, but very clear decision to resign.

I could tell our story with bitterness, blaming individuals for their bad advice and attitudes that seemingly lead to where we are right now--but that would be unfair and untrue...the fact of the matter is, God was, and continues to be, guiding all of our circumstances, bringing us to the place where He wants us to be. It is His 'fault' that all this has happened. And THIS is where our peace comes from. He is showing Himself faithful to our family and we are blessed.

We are blessed to be together as family. Together with Canaan and Eden.

We prayed and waited for so long to be here, at this point, that we can't dwell on everything that we've lost. We have to focus on all that we have been blessed with. Our children are all healthy and happy. They are all getting used to this new family amazingly well. Canaan and Eden are growing and blossoming...they look healthier since we first brought them home...they've each gained almost 10 pounds and a couple of inches each and Eden is about to celebrate her 2nd birthday on Saturday!!

God has provided a car, a job, and hopefully this week we will close on a house for our family. Then we, along with our suitcases of things, can move in! We hope that our things in Rome will be crated and sent to us soon--we have many things for Canaan and Eden there, along with all of our supplies and things we'd been saving up for the baby coming in June. We've transitioned this far...it will be interesting to see how things change as we move from living with grandparents to living on our own. We'll have a whole new bunch of changes to sort through :-)

I know this is a little scattered...I'm not very good with words at the moment...I'll stop trying to type and just close with a few pictures...